Act 0: Whereof One Cannot Speak, Thereof One Must Be Silent

(There’s a TL;DR in the last post; but I promise things get interesting if you read the whole thing)

——

Sometime around November of 2013, I signed up for an OKCupid account and got a 98% match with a cutie with colorful hair (cool), who was super into social justice stuff (good!), and was super into video games (neat!), and liked to make them (ah! I used to make them, that was fun times!), and by some coincidence turns out to have made a somewhat esoteric game I happened to have played a while back.

So I messaged her to meet up for drinks — on my birthday.

She seemed pretty cool; I didn’t talk much at first, and mostly listened as she related tales of adversities she’d overcome and how they’d shaped her as a person and fueled her determination to improve the world. I was enamored, but after a while she caught herself ranting and asked about my interests and from there we discussed all sorts of stuff from art to programming to neurology to artificial intelligence to philosophy to how the “is it a game?” argument has literally been going on for a quarter century before video games even existed. At which point she showed me a copy of Wittgenstein’s Tractatus Logico Philosophicus she carried around in her bag. Swoon — good birthday.

That date lasted about three days. And we went on a couple more and just kept hitting it off on every point, and within two weeks we threw caution to the wind and went exclusive — facebook official, the works.

We’d spend hours discussing anything and everything; though the conversations often turned to ethics, motivations, and stories of her past. Among the most commonly recurring were:

  1. Stories about how the grief and confusion of being raised by a pathological liar taught her to make it a point to always say what she meant, and to communicate at face value.
  2. Stories about an extremely manipulative ex-husband, who would do things like refuse to stop wearing the ring from his last relationship, and make her feel terrible or insane for any discomfort she expressed — though he was in fact cheating on her as he was making her feel terrible for being worried.
  3. The pain of spending most of her childhood alone, as well as the injustice of being ostracized from various groups and communities in her adulthood.
  4. Views on the ethics of infidelity. Which she maintained is inherently wrong even if the person who was cheated on never finds out, because (aside from willfully endangering their partner by way of increased STD risk) if the unfaithful party then has sex with their partner, they are doing so under false pretenses, and therefore without their partner’s consent. That is, sex with a partner who doesn’t know you’ve cheated on them is sex without consent.

There were other strong principled positions, sometimes brought up for their own sake, sometimes brought up in relevant situations, and almost always tied to her past, but they didn’t in any sense make up the bulk of our relationship. We’d spend a lot of time hacking around on our separate projects together, eating vegan food, flirting on tumblr, and having awesome sex.

Eventually she asked me to work with her on her new game, and I happily agreed.

She took me to IndieCade East, and she got me a pass to see her at GDC

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And it seemed everything was going immeasurably well until I started succumbing to pointless and seemingly inexplicable bouts of anxiety sometime between the very end of April to the very beginning of May. We kinda broke up, but kinda not. She’d often message me to say she loved me and wanted to be with me again someday. She had eyes only for me, she said, and wanted me to say the same for her.

A few months later, around the end of June, we get back together (though this time she was worried about a mole among her facebook friend’s list, and so she didn’t make it facebook official until two weeks into the relationship, for a carefully vetted group of, by her estimate, roughly 200 friends or so). Before you know it we’re hitting on each other over tumblr again and sending cutesy couples photos whenever we missed each other.

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She even flew me out to San Francisco on a last minute whim around early July (The last photo of this set is one she took of me in SF, though the goth nipples and smoke ring are both back in Boston). This was for the most part a good time —

Until I found out she’d been cheating on me with her boss (Joshua Boggs). And a few days later we have the following conversation, where I ask for her help finding and informing his wife:

Shit, man, what happened?

I mean, obviously she cheated on me (a lot actually), but why would someone violate their own beliefs on something as important to them as sexual consent? And what’s with all this fear of someone going public? What happened to her strong principled stance of unflinching honesty? Or of owning up to mistakes? What happened to the paragon of virtue I fell in love and set out to help fix the world with?

Well, the above conversation happens a few days after a considerably more painful one, where I discover almost none of the things I loved about her were true. I’ve included annotated logs of that conversation in the footer of the next act, so you can verify that I am not making any of this up, but you don’t need to bother reading them if you’re not so inclined.

Each act will have a TL;DR at the end if you’re in a rush — There’s also a TL;DR of the whole thing at the end, and even a TL;DR of that — because I wish someone had given me a “Too Long; Didn’tRelationship” before I got into all this.

 

The next Act starts off in a comedic tone, but that’s mostly because it was too depressing to write any other way. It gets intense near the end, and then nothing is funny anymore. 

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13 thoughts on “Act 0: Whereof One Cannot Speak, Thereof One Must Be Silent

  1. Eron, if you are all about integrity, you ought to put your name on this blog in searchable text rather than screen shots. Instead of using “the zoe post” use your name, Eron Gjoni. Put “the zoe post created by Eron Gjoni” at the top. Take credit where credit is due. If this is as important as you say, put your name on it. People are standing behind you on this, so stand behind your work. Say “I, Eron Gjoni, created the zoe post blog”.

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  2. It’s a pity you don’t have a donate button! I’d definitely donate to this outstanding blog!
    I suppose for now i’ll settle for book-marking and adding your RSS feed
    to my Google account. I look forward to fresh updates and
    will share this website with my Facebook group.
    Chat soon!

    Like

  3. Wonderful items from you, man. I’ve understand your stuff prior to and you’re just too wonderful.
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    Like

  4. M8, grow up and get on with your life. This is all rather unhealthy and rather ridiculous. Take it from an older dude – just get over it and move on.

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  5. In defense of Eron, the character evidence regarding ‘Zoe Quinn’ (ZQ) contained in the ‘thezoepost’ is independently corroborated by the accounts given by The Fine Young Capitalists (https://goo.gl/cMAAkR) and Mallorie Nasrallah (https://goo.gl/MFWrnt). On the basis of these three independent–yet converging–accounts it is a safe induction to posit that ZQ exhibits a stable pattern of anti-social behavior and moral turpitude.

    So why is ZQs putatively private life of public interest? To be clear, ZQs infidielity _per se_ is not the issue and ZQ is indeed free to have consensual sex with anyone she chooses; that is no third party’s interest. ZQs infidelity is of public interest only to the extent that:
    (a) it is connected to a journalistic conflict of interest; and
    (b) it contributes to the broader characterisation of ZQs moral turpitude and anti-social conduct.

    Regarding (a) much has been made of the temporal ordering of events and much of this discussion has been disingenuous. A conflict of interest does not necessitate that a sexual relationship between journalist and game developer _precede_ publication of a favourable report. A sexual favour may be rendered _after_ favourable reporting, thereby a friend or acquaintance _becomes_ a sexual partner. A journalistic conflict of interest requires only that there exist some nexus between journalist and the subject of the report such that the journalist’s impartiality and objectivity is compromised. ZQs relationship with Nathan Grayson meets this criterion. Furthermore, a formal game review is not required. Any favourable mention constitutes a conflict of interest.

    Regarding (b), ZQs defects of personality are relevant because of her public positioning as an advocate for the marginalised and victimised. ZQ represents a social hazard that the marginalised and victimised should be protected _from_; she is not someone that should be trusted with the welfare of at-risk individuals. To state the matter bluntly: an abuser should be entrusted with helping the abused. Also, ZQ also has a demonstrable history of damaging or destroying charitable projects that rely on public generosity and good-will. Any community organiser–that is attempting to produce some form of common good–should be aware of ZQs pattern of anti-social conduct so that (s)he can make an informed decision about what role–if any–ZQ should play in that project. A common social good is more important than ZQs self-interest, _a fortiori_ if that common good derives from charitable donations of labour, money and materials. We don’t want to burn people for being generous nor do we want to squander their charity and benevolence.

    It is on the basis of the preceding factors that Eron’s testimony is a matter of public interest.

    Matter (a) has ramifications not only for consumers of video games but also for female game developers. It is not consistent with the aim of female inclusion in game development for a journalist to receive sexual favours from a female developer in exchange for favourable reporting. Favourable reporting should be a consequence of merit; a meritocratic system will tend to on its own to be inclusive of female developers. The behaviour of Nathan Grayson can be fairly described as _patriarchal_–as much as I hate to use that overused term. A female developer could be forgiven for forming the conclusion that she must prostitute herself to market her game. To this extent ZQs behaviour is antithetical to the stated aims of the feminists that have involved themselves in ‘GamerGate’.

    Enough of defending Eron.

    The first date(s) show numerous warning signs that Eron failed to detect. It is anomalous to talk about previous failed relationships so early in a new relationship. It is also aberrant to discuss family problems so early. I can only conjecture why ZQ shares these details so early. My suspicion is that her accounts are largely the figments of her imagination and she has no emotional investment in them and is for that reason able to share such intimate and apparently deeply personal matters so early in a relationship. That is to say, she isn’t being an ‘open book’ that is unaware of proper social boundaries but rather she is calculating and feeding you a ‘legend’ much like a conartist. Her accounts about her ex-husband and parents etc may have a kernel of truth but I suspect that they are largely fictional and serve to provide you a narrative framework for the behaviour which was to follow.

    Her carrying Wittgenstein’s “Tractatus Logico Philosophicus” is a ruse. The Tractatus is arguably one of the most technically dense of philosophy texts, full of formal logic that I doubt ZQ can understand. There is nothing of ZQ that I have read, heard or watched that would indicate that she has the background knowledge necessary to comprehend the Tractatus. Much like a conartist, she was tailoring a persona to you; she was making herself your ideal woman and you fell for her artifice hook, line and sinker. Anyway you were only 23. Live and learn and teach others–and that is what you are doing here so well done.

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